What do you say when you know you’re having one of your last conversations with a loved-one on the phone? Everything seems trivial. Grasping for what to say, the words just spilled out: “Can I pray for you, Bubbles?”
This is not something I ever remember asking my 93-year-old grandmother before, but her body was failing, and I knew she was very uncomfortable. The timing and circumstances seemed right. She agreed, “Please pray that I do God’s will, Amanda.”
Later, thinking more about that phone conversation, one of our last before her passing in early December, I sheepishly remembered my initial response: “That’s it?” I thought, “Don’t you want relief from the physical discomfort? Don’t you want to be able to breathe better? Don’t you want this to be easier? I can pray for you to do God’s will, but I want to pray for more!” My beloved grandmother’s desire was simple, yet profound for me. Bubbles really ONLY wanted to do God’s will. Thankfully I kept those thoughts to myself!
How often am I throwing my own will into all the things I go about doing in life? And, when did wanting to do God’s will become not enough, or somehow more of a big picture idea than applying to every area of my life, all the time?
I was reminded of this conversation recently*, as I felt a fresh wave of rejection and grief crop up while thinking about a friendship that’s changed and is now different from what it once was. In other words, I was grieving that loss, and wanting my own will! My will causes conflict within. It causes anxiety. It causes stress. What if, my response was: “Not my will, but thy will be done.”
This may seem extreme since these were Jesus’ words as he faced his death on the cross. He laid his own will down, relinquished it to the father. As I reflect on the way Bubbles lived, and on some verses below, I know that trying to live in submission to God’s will is a much more free way to live.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-7
Jesus taught us how to pray by giving us the Lord’s Prayer. As I apply this one particular principle of focusing more on wanting to do God’s will above my own, it is amazing how it fits all the scenarios currently bringing stress, sadness, and/or disappointment in my life.
“Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.” Matthew 6:9-13
In this constant preassure-cooker Covid situation, it’s so easy for me to fall in to patterns of caring about what friends think – assuming I’m being judged because my politics or views on Covid may be different from someone else’s. Instead of starting to feel anxious about that, I can shift my thoughts to a prayer: “Not my will, but thy will be done.”
As I was confronted with sadness and frustration when we couldn’t give our kids the experiences and fun times we wanted for them this Christmas because we were quarantined with Covid, I could trust that God allowed that to happen. And His way IS best. “Not my will, but thy will be done.”
Starting to get excited about plans, but then feeling anxious about things not working out. Or, letting go of the plans when they don’t work out. “Not my will, but thy will be done.”
As I think about our health and I hear my husband coughing next to me in bed, anxiety is ready to creep in, reminding me of what Covid “leftovers”can lead to. I will stand firm, embracing God’s will. Every moment of my own physical pain from Covid is a moment to choose, over and over again, to relinquish my will to God’s, “Not my will, but Thy Will Be Done.”
Jo Ann Odeski, who was affectionately known to many as Bubbles, dedicated her life to practicing gratitude. It was always on her lips, in every situation. And, she was always teaching me and my family about it. Often right after speaking a gratitude over a particularly hard circumstance, her wonderful laugh would follow. The link between gratitude, and God’s will is real.
“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 2 Thessalonionas 5: 16-18
Bubbles was joyful always.
In those final days of Bubbles’ life on earth, she embraced God’s will for her life, while my will was at odds. I wanted to be by her side, show her my love for her by being there, since she loved me so well my whole life.
Through her practice and posture of embracing God’s will, and living in thankfulness always, Bubbles had a peaceful death, in God’s perfect timing. As she died gracefully, I was, and am re-learning a fundamental principle of my faith, to relinquish my will, to give it to God, daily. “Not my will, but Thy Will Be Done.”
As Bubbles taught our family and her friends so well in practicing gratitude. I’m so thankful for her life, a life well-lived, and the lessons she taught us.
*Most of this post was written in early January. Thankfully both Brok and I have fully recovered from COVID.
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Amanda, thank you so much for these wise and needed words.. I am sorry for the loss you have had, but I am absolutely convinced that you will see your grandmother again and nobody will take away your joy. The Lord be gracious to you and heal you as you grieve.
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Thank you for these encouraging words, and blessings Barbara! I am looking forward to that day of seeing her again, and you are right, no one will take away my joy! Blessings to you as well! ❤️
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